


Now, The Truth

by UnfortunatelyObsessed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always Keep Fighting, Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Dark, Depressed Dean, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Suicidal Dean, Supportive Sam, You are not alone, like goodness my heart breaks for him, really tho Dean needed to talk to someone about this, supportive Cas, truth spell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 13:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14238663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelyObsessed/pseuds/UnfortunatelyObsessed
Summary: Dean gets hit with a truth spell while on a hunt, and the truth isn't what anyone was expecting.ORThe One Where There Are More Important Secrets Than That Dean Is In Love





	Now, The Truth

Sam looked over at Dean, still slightly baffled.

When that witch had thrown a truth spell at Dean before disappearing, Sam had expected him to cuss and throw a fit. Dean hated witches.

But Dean had just stood there.

Castiel had sighed and said that they should begin research to fix this, and the three headed back to the Bunker.

Dean didn't say anything the whole way.

Sam understood, of course. He imagined the first worry to hit Dean's head was, "Oh shit, I might tell Cas I love him." Which Sam thought was a great idea, but, hey. Dean needed to figure that out for himself.

Now Sam was pulling every book he could find on spells and had asked Dean to do the same. But Dean was just standing there, finger on one book.

"Dean? Hey, Dean. Earth to Dean."

"Hm?"

"Focus."

Dean nodded and began pulling books, too. They read late into the night, and Sam noticed that Dean was moving slow. Sam eventually bid him and Castiel goodnight and went to his own room.

Really, Sam couldn't imagine how stressful this all was for Dean. Any time he opened his mouth, he could spill his one major, big secret. It probably took all of his concentration to keep quiet.

Around four in the morning, a buzz from his cell woke him up.

It was Cas.

'He's still awake.'

Sam ran a hand over his face groggily and texted back, 'Tell him to go to bed. Pick up in the morning.'

There was a brief pause and then, 'He says he's not sleepy.'

Sam sighed. 'Then that's the truth man. Just let him do whatever and let me sleep :p '

Cas sent back a thumbs-up emoji.

Dean did eventually go to sleep around 6am, and woke back up about 10. Which was pretty normal for him.

What wasn't normal was the way he declined the breakfast Sam made.

"Dude, I made pancakes for you. They're, like, your favorite."

Dean shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

Sam glanced around to make sure Cas was out of earshot. "Hey man, I know this is stressful for you, but we'll get this cleared up soon, okay?"

Dean didn't acknowledge Sam, merely took a long drink of coffee.

He sat at that table all day.

The next day they didn't see Dean until close to four in the afternoon. He stumbled downstairs in his pajamas and robe and made himself some fresh coffee.

"Well well, if it isn't Sleeping Beauty."

Dean glanced at him, and Sam noticed his bloodshot eyes. Neither said anything more as Dean went back to his room.

They actually didn't see him again for a few days.

It wasn't for their lack of trying; Sam would bang on the door and ask him to talk about stuff, and Cas would simply slide notes and pictures under the door. He didn't know what else to do.

Dean emerged wearing the same robe and pajamas. He didn't look like he had moved from his bed to so much as shower.

Sam stood up when Dean entered the room. "Hey, man, um, we-... We missed you. We almost have the spell reversal ready, just a few more hours."

Castiel was standing, too. It just felt right. "Yes, Sam is right. And... I want you to know we both understand that you have secrets you do not wish to divulge to us. We won't pry, but please stay down here with us so we can be assured that you are alright."

Dean kept his head down as he poured a fresh cup of coffee. He finally spoke, his voice hoarse. "I ran out of alcohol in my room."

Sam watched as Dean sat in a chair and stared at his coffee cup. "And, for the record, this isn't happening because I'm trying to keep some damn secret."

Sam and Cas exchanged a look. "Okay," Sam said. "Is this a side effect of the spell?"

Dean shrugged. "Kinda. Not really. It's a truth spell. I have to be truthful."

"I mean, yeah, but..."

"That means I can't pretend everything is okay."

Sam felt like the room dropped away. "What-... What are you saying? Are you okay?"

Dean finally met Sam's eyes. "I came down here to look for a gun. I want to blow my fucking brains out."

The room was silent.

Castiel spoke, softly. "Dean, why would you want to do that?"

"Do you want a list? I can't... I'm just... I'm so damn tired of this." Dean took a shuddering breath. "I didn't... I didn't even wanna tell you guys but I... I thought..." Tears began to roll freely down his cheeks, his voice cracking and breaking, "I thought that m-maybe you'd tell me not to." He buried his face in his arms. "I thought may-maybe you'd wa-want to fix me."

His sobs were heart-wrenching.

Cas walked slowly over to Dean and touched his shoulder gently, only to have his arms suddenly filled with a broken man.

"I j-just don't wan-want to feel an-anymore," Dean whispered into Castiel's chest.

Sam gently rubbed Dean's back as he sobbed. "You want help, don't you? Deep down?"

Dean didn't move from Castiel's embrace. "I want to-to be oka-okay again-n. I w-want-" Dean leaned back and wiped his eyes, trying to control himself. "I want to n-not see Dad call-calling me worthless every t-time I close my e-eyes." Sam sat beside Dean, and Dean laid his head on Sam's shoulder, all the fight in him gone. "And I wan-want all the numb to g-go away."

Sam gently wiped Dean's tears away. "Okay, Dean. If that's what you want, then we will make it happen."

Dean looked at him with wide eyes. "How? How are you g-going to fix this? M-me?"

Sam gazed levelly back. "One step at a time."

Castiel crouched down on Dean's other side. "But Dean, you have to promise to be honest with us. We can't help if we don't know what's wrong."

Dean turned to Castiel. "What- What is wrong with me?"

"Based on how you've been behaving these past few days, serious depression. There is medicine that could help, too."

Dean shook his head, sniffing and wiping away what remained of his tears. "I don't want no pill messing with my brain."

"Dean... Your brain is an organ, just like your stomach or your lungs. And, like your stomach or lungs, it can malfunction. Humans are... They're fragile. The medicine wouldn't be the thing messing with your brain. What you're thinking of is the depression."

Dean took Castiel's hand in his, turning it over and studying the lines, as if to keep his brain anywhere but there. "Let me... Let me think about it? Can we try other stuff first?"

Sam nodded. "Of course, Dean. We're both here for you."

Being so close to him, Sam could feel Dean's muscles tense up, see his shoulders rise slightly in defense. "And you both promise you're not doing this out of pity or anything?"

Sam rubbed Dean's back again. "I promise, Dean. I'm doing this because I care about you. I love you. I want you to get better. And I'll do whatever it takes."

Castiel gently closed the hand Dean was inspecting around Dean's fingers. "I promise as well. Nothing brings me greater pain than to see you in pain. I want to help you feel better. I-..." Castiel trailed off as Dean's fingers gently intertwined with his own. He looked up to meet the deep forest gaze, glowing bright green due to the red all around his eyes. "I love you, Dean," Cas all but whispered.

"I love you, too," Dean whispered back.

And there was nothing Cas wanted more than to kiss him, but there would be time later for that. Right now Dean didn't need a lover.

He just needed to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> So the whole idea here was that the symptoms of depression (things like not eating, not sleeping or sleeping too much, not taking care of yourself, feeling numb) are sometimes very easy to miss or mistake for other things.
> 
> Guys, I just wanna say that if you feel any of this stuff - and even if you don't - know you are loved and there are tons of people who will gladly help you get through it. You Are Not Alone. Always Keep Fighting.


End file.
